I have obsessed about failed relationships and what went wrong and "what if". I was in an emotionally abusive relationship that I kept going back and forth with him for 9 years. He would cheat & I would leave, then they would end and I was back for sex. We had an AWESOME sex life that I have never had with anyone before or since. We were a perfect match sexually, but man did he cheat and put me down in the real time.
We have both married now, we moved away from each other and now both have babies. I am happy for him, and finally he ended up with a girl I didn't know. I do believe that I would never be able to truly end things with him if we lived near each other. Now he may have finally grown up and would say no, but really I just want the good parts back. I have a terrible sex life now with my husband, and that is the last one I will have. Dang it. He is on my Facebook page as a friend for 2 reasons: 1 he plays the same games, 2 I can't let it go.
I dated my first long term relationship at start of college, got engaged, but he was an ASS to me and cheated terrible. He gave me STD from cheating, then played dumb about it, ran me thru the emotional angry rollercoaster. I finally decided I couldn't stay and called the wedding off 1 month before the day. He is now on my Facebook page and on his 3rd marriage and kids with a couple of them. I know that I really missed the bullet on this one, but still think "what if" when we chat.
I have a friendship with a handsome guy that I met on Yahoo about 7 years ago. I was the cougar and he was the hot young, muscular, smart guy. I wanted to stay with him for years. Sex was good, but I was intimidated by his looks, confidence, yet he never said or did anything to make me feel that way. We still stay in touch, but the way I left him was my choice, but a huge hard decision. He is a sex god kinda, and will do or try anything. We text each other and again we moved away from each other. I know I would cheat with him, bc sex is so bad now and he would Never Tell on me. He always has "side shows" and we flirt sexually thru text. He is awesome but just came around again after I was married. I think about two guys constantly and have them as friends so I can know their lives and who they know or what they do. It is a real problem, and I am sure bc my marriage is not what I hoped for or expected.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Dr Psych office
I was running low on meds and had missed my appointment. I changed my phone number and I don't remember things very well. That cost me $60. I called the office on a Wednesday for medicine and Karen asked me if I could come in that day. I had a terrible migraine and out of meds, so said no. No medication was called in. Then Thursday I make another appointment for the following Wed. She says she will call in meds and I am basically out.
Lamictol is a serious drug to not mess with, and here I get no meds called for the weekend and I'm out. No xanex like I'm supposed to take it, immediate stop on Lamictol, running low on Zoloft. I fill a different strength of Lamictol and alter the dose to get me by on Sunday. Xanex was just gone and I was involuntarily pissy the whole weekend. The quick drop in meds made me have no tolerance. I warned my husband in case I was snappy. Monday I call and the stupid phone person says, "Oh I will call you in enough to get you til Wed." Hell Mo Fo No she didn't. I went to appt on Wed with barely any meds, just Seroquel basically. I told the Dr and he apologized and said he would talk to them about it.
After my appointment I am not supposed to see him for 4 weeks. When I run out of meds I will call (yeah that sounds great) for more for my appt. I go to my counselor appt and I am having real serious panicky anxious feelings, which is different than my normal depression. At the desk I ask them to leave a message for my psych about my Xanex. I don't want to change it up without "permission" bc can't fill it too soon. I explain the main idea, and the damn girl says "Call the medicine line." I asked her if she wants me to leave, go home, call the office and tell them? So I made an appt to see him in person to complain AGAIN about them, and get my medicine fixed. The day before I decided I was too upset & called the office. Left a message saying forget the appt, I don't have the patience to deal with the office and I will just figure it out myself. WOW then the stupid "nurse" or whatever calls and says you can take an extra in am. Not what I frickin wanted, if you would have listened to me. I LOVE my psych and he has helped me more than any in the last 6 years. BUT I so hate the office and the women make my skin crawl. Every time I go in I have to pay. No waiting for the bill to come or paying the actual billing department/company. That annoys me bc I am so broke that I don't always have money every few days between appts.
Just felt like I needed to release my frustration and put it in print to get over it.
Lamictol is a serious drug to not mess with, and here I get no meds called for the weekend and I'm out. No xanex like I'm supposed to take it, immediate stop on Lamictol, running low on Zoloft. I fill a different strength of Lamictol and alter the dose to get me by on Sunday. Xanex was just gone and I was involuntarily pissy the whole weekend. The quick drop in meds made me have no tolerance. I warned my husband in case I was snappy. Monday I call and the stupid phone person says, "Oh I will call you in enough to get you til Wed." Hell Mo Fo No she didn't. I went to appt on Wed with barely any meds, just Seroquel basically. I told the Dr and he apologized and said he would talk to them about it.
After my appointment I am not supposed to see him for 4 weeks. When I run out of meds I will call (yeah that sounds great) for more for my appt. I go to my counselor appt and I am having real serious panicky anxious feelings, which is different than my normal depression. At the desk I ask them to leave a message for my psych about my Xanex. I don't want to change it up without "permission" bc can't fill it too soon. I explain the main idea, and the damn girl says "Call the medicine line." I asked her if she wants me to leave, go home, call the office and tell them? So I made an appt to see him in person to complain AGAIN about them, and get my medicine fixed. The day before I decided I was too upset & called the office. Left a message saying forget the appt, I don't have the patience to deal with the office and I will just figure it out myself. WOW then the stupid "nurse" or whatever calls and says you can take an extra in am. Not what I frickin wanted, if you would have listened to me. I LOVE my psych and he has helped me more than any in the last 6 years. BUT I so hate the office and the women make my skin crawl. Every time I go in I have to pay. No waiting for the bill to come or paying the actual billing department/company. That annoys me bc I am so broke that I don't always have money every few days between appts.
Just felt like I needed to release my frustration and put it in print to get over it.
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